Friday, March 02, 2012

In which I visit my blog...

...and wonder if I should return.

My life has changed abruptly. My mom died December 9, 2011. I can say this now, without tears streaming down my face. Obviously, my mind has become a black hole. As the thoughts travel to the singularity, a clarity begins. Perhaps that is why I returned to my blog. Who knows. Maybe this is an avenue of awareness that couldn't present itself until now.

I miss my mom...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

What cha been doing?

Lets see how long, or short, this post will be. It'll all depend on how long I can entertain my train of thought. Where have I been? What have I been up too? Whats been rambling around in my brain? This blog, which once was a fair depiction of my life has been moved to the brain dump terrain of Twitter, and the laughs of Facebook. I have found most of my blog buddies on both platforms, and this continues to make me happy. I like the challenge of off loading my brain in 140 characters, and spitting out a totally stupid comment on some random persons wall. It seems to suit my life. Obviously, not enough, or this blog would have been deleted long ago. I view this blog almost like I view permanent sterilization in concerns of not having anymore children. I know that I don't want more kids, but still won't commit to permanently enabling it. Ya know?

As I've hinted in some of my more recent blog post, I have been exploring my place in the fringe. I've always been a bit "off", not in the "crowd", a minor character you never forget, the one you can never nail down to anything. I watched others struggle with my position, almost laughing while shrugging it off. No, I wasn't bothered by it. Why should I be? I am not the way I am to be malicious to others cores, it's not intended. Those who are close to me, I suspect, know this. Still, I can be a handful. I am becoming more aware of my quirks, things that need to be done, in a certain way, for a positive outcome. It's those bits of clarity where I can see sharply the effect my movements, attitude, space issues, have on situations near me.

What got me thinking tonight was something I heard at a meeting at my sons school. The head of school, in talking about the vision of the schools teaching message said "It's not about pressure. Or what University you attend, your job. It's about whether you can look back, after a long, full filled life and say that it was worth it". I instantly recalled all the times I told my son, I helped him to find decent learning environments because I didn't want him to have to struggle like I had. He once asked me if my mom had said that to me. I didn't think long before I said that she hadn't. I then began to question myself I why I was telling him this. Was my life horrible? No. I guess, now a days, the incredibly intense moments are hiding amongst the dull, slow speed crap of everyday existence as others want us to know it. I will now admit that I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to go to med school for oncology. At the time, I never said that was what I wanted to do. I don't know why. No one explained AP classes to me, I took what I needed too to get out. In high school, I was required to meet with my guidance counselor to discuss my profession. I told him I wanted to be a doctor. He chuckled, saying I wasn't academically smart enough. I can say now that I am smart enough. I should have been a doctor. I would have been great, though not embraced by the collective of the mainstream medical society.

With that I leave you with Dream, drawn by Yoshitaka Amano. Ah, Gaiman. I'll save him for another post.

Friday, January 08, 2010

Can we say Olympics...yet?

I'm a fan of the Olympics. The 2010 Winter Games could get even cooler for me. My nephew (by marriage), Danny Davis, is in serious line for a podium spot on the U.S. Snowboard team. If he gets it, he'll be the second person in my husbands immediate family who has been an Olympian. The first being my husbands older brother. He was on the U.S Wrestling team. Check out this video of Danny, he's a great kid.

VIDEO: Danny Davis Q&A">

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Merry Christmas, England!

Lucky dogs! You all get a FREE show outta this!


Thursday, December 03, 2009

Funny things I learned on Twitter.

My life is not profound. I am sure it is. The portion of my brain that would recognize this, I'm sure, is clouded. I at least now recognize the boughts of clarity. This is a start. What rattles about in my head, is not projected out via my exterior. My wrapping is of neutral order. I awkwardly blend in, always knowing the public is denied access to my orchestral singularity. Despite several marginal similarities, I am not part of the group. I may join, sometimes reluctantly, smaller groups. A knitting group, a fund raising function, a playgroup for my youngest. Each of these is entered into on a set tolerance of the group. I take each experience for what it is, quickly identifying mundane nonsense, and come and go as I please. How this plays out keeps it interesting.

Amanda Fucking Palmer tweeted a link to a video she made for Tegan and Sara's song "Hell". I've watched it a dozen times, in awe of her expression and body language. I learned about myself. I connected to a brief moment of clarity.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Will the economy really push Mr. Vog to this?

When you have no money in the bank for the mortgage that is already due, desperation sets in. When the trucking company your husband works for in the United States falls short again, and again, and again.... When all the people who have bailed your family out financially can't help anymore you start looking for cash in ways that you'd never imagine. If THIS is all there is out there to keep a family from the streets, than you KNOW the country you call home is totally fucked. I'm not sure I am strong enough to allow someone who is my world, to do THIS to make sure his family is okay in this country. It is a long clip, but please watch it to see what has been asked of me by my husband. I DON'T THINK IT IS WORTH THE RISK FOR FUCKING SURVIVAL IN A FREE WORLD! This driver was a civilian contract truck driver in Iraq. Notice the tipped over truck in front of the driver who is filming this. The driver of the fallen truck did not live.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Ah-hum.

If we're taking it back a few years, allow me to refresh my memory. This is from September 2006.

Sunday: Attended a family birthday party in which no one in my family was having any fun. We all tried sticking it out, but after my crying son begged to leave 3 different times, my hubby pulled the plug on it and escorted us all to the car. This sucked. Who likes to leave a 5 year olds party on a wave of drama? Family behavior is a harsh reality, for both sides involved. Family and friends, at times, don't mix well together. Normally, I would choose blood family over friends. Lately, it seems that blood is not thicker than water, and that friends on both camps are becoming more like our family than our family is.

Unconditionally.