Monday, September 11, 2006

Setember 11, 2006

I wasn't going to write about this today. What could my mind offer that millions of other bloggers wouldn't say?

After three solid weeks of television viewing (6 of those days without commercials) 5 years ago, I made the decision that I would no longer watch footage of that day. I couldn't. It brought out too much pain for me to relive it over and over again.

Today started just like it did 5 years ago. I got a cup of coffee and sat down to watch the Today Show with my hubby. I was pregnant then, as I am now. The school buses were picking up children for school, exactly as they are now. The sun was out, the air crisp, same as today. This morning, instead of the Today Show, I turned on MSNBC cable news. I found that they are replaying that episode of the Today Show real-time as if it was 5 years ago. I sit in horror, this time the tears begin before the first plane hits on the replay. We know more now at this time than we did then. This knowledge doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with.

5 years ago, the first person I phoned was my mom. She didn't have the T.V. on. She turned it on, we sat in silence watching. The first words out of her mouth were "Osama Bin Laden". The second person I called was my dear friend Ron at Fluffy Stuffin'. We sat on the phone saying nothing more than "Holy Shit", " Oh my God", "I can't believe this" for 20 minutes straight. I had my NYC maps and guide books out, using them as reference as Ron explained what areas were under siege. Ron and I had just been to the city a year or so before. I remember him saying "If those towers go down, the city will never look the same again". We hung up with each other just before the first tower went down. My most vivid viewing of the towers in real life was from the office of our buddy ack/nak who was working in the city during our last visit. Ack/nak, I can't remember, were you still working there 5 years ago?

I end this post here, with no closure, just as it was 5 years ago.

6 comments:

FOUR DINNERS said...

1 person can only give a little hug to a lot of people. Little hug to the USA. x

Life, or Something Like It said...

Amazing post. I remember 9/11 like it was yesterday, too. I watched the footage on tv with disbelief. I still can't believe what happened. So many innocent lives lost.

dilling said...

I, too, felt I had to post today, but could find no words to do so and left so much unsaid...

* (asterisk) said...

I was amazed that TV channels are showing stuff from five years ago as if it were live today. I read on another blog (studio-twenty-three) that Howard Stern was replaying his radio show. Odd. A little creepy. And horrible for those who lost loved ones, I'm sure.

the cappuccino kid. said...

there seems to be a morbid fascination with disaster, like rabbits stuck in head lights.
i was listening to it on the radio, met vic from work and we came home and just sat transfixed.
however you lot must feel, knowing people that live in the city.....i cannot imagine.
i cannot understand the thinking in broadcasting shows in real time as if it is happening again, this must really be messing with peoples heads.
you have my deepest thoughts with you at this point in time.
good post camie, and don't worry, you have said something original.
and meaningful.

bob said...

Yeah, I was there.

Living in Chicago now, I was surprised/appalled/disappointed/sad at how little 9/11 registered out here. For those of us living in the greater NY area back then, eveyrone knew someone who died. I still carry the NYTimes obit clipping from a friend who had just started working at Cantor Fitzgerald a few weeks before. He left a young wife (a former colleague of my wife) and two young children.

His kids were the same age as mine.

Five years on, I still remember the feeling in The City in the weeks following 9/11. We were all nicer to each other, the way you are in a hospital waiting room or a wake. People looked you in the eye, which for New Yorkers is as intimate as a blowjob. There was a sense of "are you OK?" in every glance.

The feeling is still there today, buried underneath the accreted remains of time spent thinking and not thinking about what they did to our City. And how we're still alive.

I miss being there a lot. And every time I see the skyline of lower Manhattan, I feel like I'm looking at a family portrait in which the two central family members are missing, and you can see that there's a hole left in the family because of it.