Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Ahh, ahhhh, Anderson...


My fascination with Anderson Cooper began more than a year ago. I get the kids to sleep, and settle myself down on the couch for the nightly fix at 10pm with a live hour of eye candy, commonly known as AC360. During that hour, I admire his smile, his perfect hair style (never mind that he is gray), his voice, and his suits. He takes me to places like Afghanistan, where he wears expensive military shirt replicas and bullet proof vests. Next, the Amazon rain forest in tight navy blue t-shirts, his skin glistening with a light sheen of sweat. Then, the streets of New York in jeans that only a former male model can wear so well. My mind squeals like a schoolgirl, drifting off to sleep (on the couch) lulled into dreamland by his steady vocal tones. I begin to dream...because situations like this only exist in dreams.

I am attending a high profile cocktail party, in Manhattan. Delegates from all over the world are here. I am dressed in five inch heels and a black cocktail gown to die for. I drain the last drops of gin from my martini glass and reach for another from the tray of a passing waiter. It is the last one on the tray, and is taken by a hand with well groomed nails. "Last one. Looks as if we'll have to share". The glass raises to perfect lips, and I watch them sip. The glass lowers to reveal the crooked smile of Anderson Cooper!!! Oh yeah! This dream is going to be good, I remember thinking to myself.

I'll spare you all the fan-girl wank fiction and just skim the highlights...

The dream continues with him asking me for my cell number. Hahahaha! He was pursuing me! How easy!

We go out often, always perfectly attired. Dinner, movies, drinks, CNN functions. Limo rides and paparazzi are the norm. The annoying thing was that my Blackberry (oh, yeah, this is SO a dream) was constantly ringing. I was always frowning at the ringing interruption, frequently muting the tone, deleting text messages (I hardly ever text in real life). This happened so often, Anderson began asking why I never answered it. I would just shrug it off, saying it wasn't important.

During our long, laid-back weekend in the Hampton's, the Blackberry rang NON-STOP. Finally, after an intense, ah, sexual encounter...one which was literally torn from the pages of some chic-lit clit fest anthology....Anderson grabbed my Blackberry (haha you thought I was gonna say something else, didn't you?!) and hit redial. The name on the display said "James".

"Yes, hello. No, this isn't Camie, it's Anderson Cooper. Yes, from CNN. No, she didn't change her number, maybe she should, she obviously doesn't want to talk to you. May I ask who you are? I see. Um, okay. I'll give her the message".

Anderson hung up the phone, looked into my horrified eyes and said "That was James McAvoy, you know, your BOYFRIEND. He said to tell you not to bother calling him back since after hearing my voice, he is BREAKING UP with you. Now, where were we?" He thew the Blackberry on the floor and crawled back into bead

Ahh, ahhh, Anderson....

...and last nights dream....
naked, in a pool, getting a massage by Matt Lauer!!

I must have been tense, knowing that I was cheating on Anderson with someone from another network.

15 comments:

Ron said...

Rush Limbaugh is waiting for you, after his hot oil treatment, to wring the fluid out of his lymph nodes, so he becomes an AC clone...

He presents you a mimosa in Beanie's cast, and lines of blow on a collection of Ben 10 toys...

...and then you wake up in a cold sweat, cursing that burrito you ate after 10PM...

Further on up the road said...

I went to school with a James McAvoy - not that one though... :-)

... "I admire his smile, his perfect hair style (never mind that he is gray), his voice, and his suits"

BASTARD!

Right that's that out of my system then....

Ron said...

We will see Driver 8 in the five inch spikers, before La Vog, no doubt!

tideliar said...

Awesome Cammie :D You been at AlexSuze.com again? >:)

...Mmmm...Anderson....mmmm.....

He he heee

Gardenia said...

Mmmmmmhmmmmm. Sounds like my trip to Europe with Fabio. Sigh. Well, real life beckons us - hide the diary....until the.....next time. And we won't tell anyone.

d34dpuppy said...

happy christmas happy life m done bye
xxx
dx3

Melanie said...

Wow! What a fantastic fantasy. I have the same one going in my dream, only I'm with Glenn Danzig, which is hilarious considering that the only thing he has in common with my real life man is that he is indeed a male, and once in awhile I listen to both of them.

Reality sucks, dreams are much better; no poopy diapers or snotty noses.

By the way Ron, that Rush comment was just cruel.

Hattigrace said...

Were you the one that called 4D to talk him out of running to his demise?

Hattigrace said...

It is a good man that listens to the caring voices of caution.

FOUR DINNERS said...

You get the feelin' we've a psychic in our midst or what?

He don't do owt for me CV - but then again it'd be a worry if he did.

Have a great Chrimbo babe n the same to Mr CV and the kids xx

.....and thank you.

katy said...

Just dropping in to wish you all a Merry Christmas x

Cynnie said...

Oooh..
Camie we should of had a dream threesome ..( yes, I'm so sure anderson is man enough for us both )
I've been having sexual dreams about bloggy friends..not just one..several..
I'm such a dream slut.

Suze said...

Take no notice of Tideliar, you can stop by to see me any time you like. ;)

Laura said...

Oh that's just creepy! I was reading Anderson's memoir around the time you posted this! I love the guy, too. A man with that much of a command of the English language? Ooooh baby! I'm a pushover for great grammar, even if I can't supply it, myself.

I always have those dreams where Chris Meloni as Detective Stabler finds me irresistable. People around here only find me as such if I'm holding food. ;)

Laura said...

P.S. When my baby sis and I went to NYC, we got to see Matt in the flesh. Oh baby! That poor guy is too hot for his own good, and he's a really nice person. Double whammy.