Thursday, February 11, 2010

What cha been doing?

Lets see how long, or short, this post will be. It'll all depend on how long I can entertain my train of thought. Where have I been? What have I been up too? Whats been rambling around in my brain? This blog, which once was a fair depiction of my life has been moved to the brain dump terrain of Twitter, and the laughs of Facebook. I have found most of my blog buddies on both platforms, and this continues to make me happy. I like the challenge of off loading my brain in 140 characters, and spitting out a totally stupid comment on some random persons wall. It seems to suit my life. Obviously, not enough, or this blog would have been deleted long ago. I view this blog almost like I view permanent sterilization in concerns of not having anymore children. I know that I don't want more kids, but still won't commit to permanently enabling it. Ya know?

As I've hinted in some of my more recent blog post, I have been exploring my place in the fringe. I've always been a bit "off", not in the "crowd", a minor character you never forget, the one you can never nail down to anything. I watched others struggle with my position, almost laughing while shrugging it off. No, I wasn't bothered by it. Why should I be? I am not the way I am to be malicious to others cores, it's not intended. Those who are close to me, I suspect, know this. Still, I can be a handful. I am becoming more aware of my quirks, things that need to be done, in a certain way, for a positive outcome. It's those bits of clarity where I can see sharply the effect my movements, attitude, space issues, have on situations near me.

What got me thinking tonight was something I heard at a meeting at my sons school. The head of school, in talking about the vision of the schools teaching message said "It's not about pressure. Or what University you attend, your job. It's about whether you can look back, after a long, full filled life and say that it was worth it". I instantly recalled all the times I told my son, I helped him to find decent learning environments because I didn't want him to have to struggle like I had. He once asked me if my mom had said that to me. I didn't think long before I said that she hadn't. I then began to question myself I why I was telling him this. Was my life horrible? No. I guess, now a days, the incredibly intense moments are hiding amongst the dull, slow speed crap of everyday existence as others want us to know it. I will now admit that I wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to go to med school for oncology. At the time, I never said that was what I wanted to do. I don't know why. No one explained AP classes to me, I took what I needed too to get out. In high school, I was required to meet with my guidance counselor to discuss my profession. I told him I wanted to be a doctor. He chuckled, saying I wasn't academically smart enough. I can say now that I am smart enough. I should have been a doctor. I would have been great, though not embraced by the collective of the mainstream medical society.

With that I leave you with Dream, drawn by Yoshitaka Amano. Ah, Gaiman. I'll save him for another post.